Really, it's not funny!

This is an email Ellen sent in response to some questions I had about the robbery.

My debit cards were not stolen, or my censo or my temple recommend. I almost never have those unless I need to get money, so they were in the house, fortunately. And about you guys coming-walking won´t be safe either. The robbers here target gringos because they think they have a lot of money-but it´s okay because HNO Criollo has a car and he said that he would drive us around wherever we wanted to go (he´s a taxista). Hermana Foster says that she NEVER got robbed with Hermana Lecates in this sector and she thinks that we get robbed now because I stick out more because I´m so tall so they´re already staring at me and then they look to see what I have (thanks so much-again, like I didn´t already feel bad enough, now it´s apparently my fault that I get robbed.) Anyway, now that we don´t carry bags with us, they can see that we really don´t have anything. I´m glad I´m such a hero to Craig, because everyone else thinks it´s absolutely hilarious that I´ve been robbed twice. One of the assistants, Elder Garcia, said that President said that I should dye my hair black so that I stick out less-to which I replied that if Elder Garcia dyed his hair blonde, I would dye mine black. Then the other assistant, Elder Coba, said that he would dye his hair blonde if I shaved my head-probably not. So everyone thinks it´s this huge joke but I actually don´t think it´s really that funny, I think it´s horrible. Whenever we go out, even during the day, I´m always on edge and the smallest movements scare me and at night it´s even worse. The other night I had nightmares of people shooting each other and I´ve got this huge phobia that someday someone´s going to rob me at gunpoint and I don´t know how I would handle that. I´m trying to trust in the Lord and know that He´ll protect us but it´s hard to have that faith when it´s already happened twice. It´s just such a huge violation of security and personal space, and even the elders who get robbed all the time I think don´t understand because they´re not women (although my old zone leader Elder Harris said that the first time he was robbed at gunpoint, he went home, locked the door and stayed up all night watching the windows-I feel better when I remember that story because he was 6th in the nation for wrestling before his mission so it´s not like he´s a wuss or anything.) Anyway, don´t worry about me, it´s getting easier to be out but I do wish people would be more understanding-but I´ll deal with it. HNA Castillo got robbed once in Panama, where she´s from, and she was like, I don´t think it´s something to laugh at either Hermana, don´t worry about it. And when we told the bishop and his wife that it had happened again, they told me the same thing, because HNA Foster was complaining that we have to move slower now because I´m scared of everything-I almost cried when she said that, but the bishop was like no hermana, don´t feel bad, it´s completely normal for you to feel this way, and his wife said the same thing. I think they could see in my face that I felt really bad about it. It´s not that I don´t want to work, I just have a little bit of PTSD. No big deal, it will go away soon and I´ll be fine. I´m just gonna keep truckin along and know that everything´s going to be fine. Right?? Right!!!

Love you mom. Thanks for all the love and support that you give me.